It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
