You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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