You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
