i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
