So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
