OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
