I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
