He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
