Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
