just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
