My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
