I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
