if i died would you start the facebook group?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
