U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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