i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
