you turned your livingroom into a bong?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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