just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
