just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well I just put wine in my tea
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
