OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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