No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
where am i from again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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