gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
