Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
