Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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