Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
