My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
