he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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