I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
