You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
