My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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