You really coming over, don't trick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
