I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
