If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you inspire me to be a worse person
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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