I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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