how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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