i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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