the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
