We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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