some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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