she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
