She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
