I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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