I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
