It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
