need another drink. this is the easiest way
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Randomize
