I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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