so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
