This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
