So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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