I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
