i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
