you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
