thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
