So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She needs sedatives and a leash
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
