We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
